More Than Words
by AbeoNeco
Summary: A Zelgadis POV to his Try image song + Zel recaps and rememnisces over what he used to be, compaired to what he has become, and what things in life now mean to him


More Than Words  
  
Slayers Try - Zelgadiss Image Song  
  
ABOUT: I wrote this about Zelgadis because Zel-Kun is one of my favorite Characters in Slayers. He has had such a hard life. And it seems to get a little better when he meets the others, but some things also bring him to his old sad self. So, I wrote this fanfic from Zelgadis' point of view, to show what things, which I think anyway, go around in our favorite Chimera's head. Well, I hope you like it! ^-^  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Slayers, Characters or Music.  
  
-Rei  
  
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"Suki datta...hitori sora o miage yuuyami no naka tasogareru no ga wakakatta...dare yori mo tsuyoki de iji o hatteta ore ga nandaka sukoshi okashikute  
  
I used to love it...looking up at the sky alone In the middle of the night, reminiscing. I was young...more stubborn than anyone, And iced over with pride. Something about me was strange."  
  
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I watch from far behind, as Gourry and Lina fight. The stupidest things. That is what they fight about. They have no clue. No idea about how they really feel for each other. Of course they have strong feelings for each other, if they didn't, they would not have been together so long. They don't know the meaning of hate. Not like me. I was grown up around it, and brought up within it.  
  
I'm walking at a slow, steady pace. Why do I walk so slow? Is it because I am afraid of them? No. Why would I be afraid?  
  
Amelia... Just look at her. Little Ms. Justice for all. Justice? What is the true meaning of it? She says that justice will be there, always. But, where was justice when I had my humanity taken from me? Where was it when I made the wrong decisions and hurt others? Where is it now? Can you tell me that Amelia? Can you answer even one of my simple questions? No, you can't. That is why I cannot trust you. I cannot trust your feelings, your choices, anything.  
  
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"Hitomi tojiru to kokoro o tozashite ikite kita jibun ga tada yukkuri to toozagatte kiete yuku  
  
When I close my eyes, I can see That person I used to be who kept his heart so closed fading away into the distance..."  
  
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I have changed too much over the past few months. I haven't changed that much physically, anyone can see that. I'm still a chimera. A freak. But inside, my opinion, my choices, even my over looks at life has changed. There is only a vague sign of the old Zelgadis Greywards left. The new Zelgadis has taken over. Yet I don't know. What is the real me? Is it serious, silent, and almost threatening reminiscent of me? Or is it something else. Am I really a calm, solemn, antagonistic chimera? What does everyone see me as? I know of Amelia's feelings for me. The feelings that are so strong, I can feel them, see them, like a golden aura surrounding her at all times. Maybe, maybe that is from her spirit, her outgoing attitude, and her high outlook on life. She is always looking towards the stars, finding a better way. But why, why have feelings for me? A chimera freak like me doesn't deserve a princess like her...  
  
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"I was so lonely demo ima wa bakageta serifu wazatorashii egao mo nani hitotsu nai sonna nakama ga koko ni iru...aa, dear friends forever.  
  
I was so lonely, but now, I have so many friends here that never make fun of me, or even have to force a smile. Ah, dear friends forever."  
  
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How did I even come to be with them... A princess, a sorceress, and a knight, well, wondering swordsman I guess I should call him. They all have their titles, but what is mine? Although without one, they still accept me... I'm still one of the gang, I fight along side them. I never had people like them before... I was always so alone, even when I wasn't a chimera, I spent all my time training, never conversing with anyone. But now, now I have them, always with me, training with me, and in a way, wanting me to stay. My life before them was filled with frightening stares, and cowering children. Sure, I still get that now, but I have these three who don't... These three who can look at me while talking to me, who try to make me feel that life can go on, even as a chimera...  
  
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"Maboroshi ya kirei koto da to yuujou o azawarai nanigenai takusan no deai o kobami tsuzuketa ore wa sou kakkou tsuketeta dake de  
  
I would laugh at things like friendship, dreams and beauty...and when we would meet in a casual encounter I'd keep refusing to come with you. That's just the way I used to be."  
  
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Should I call you friends, or co-workers? Maybe you're a little bit of both... No, that can't be. I have no friends... Why would anyone want to be a friend of mine? Yet, I can't hide that feeling, can't burry away the possibility. They seem to act like friends towards me, they talk to me, they joke and laugh with me. They make me do things I would never believe... It feels good to have people like them around me, not like before. I couldn't even get a friend if I had wanted one... Although I'm sure that if someone had tried to be my friend, I just would have shut them out, pushed them away... was I afraid of getting close to someone... afraid or what might happen?  
  
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"Hiekitteita kono karada kokoro goto atatamerareteku kitto dareka o taisetsu ni omou kimochi ka?  
  
In this cold unmoving body, I feel my heart becoming warmer. Does this feeling mean someone's becoming precious to me?"  
  
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I guess that fear is still within me... Sure, I'm accepting them as friends now, yet I still keep my distance. I can't let them get to close, I don't know what could happen. I'm obviously not boyfriend material... Boyfriend? How did that thought reach my mind... Of course I'm not 'boyfriend' material, who would want me like that anyway? If I get to close to someone, they might get hurt... I know they would... They would find something out about me that they don't want to know... There is no way someone couldn't. I can't even begin to understand why Amelia has feelings for me... I'm always so harsh to her... And when I am, she looks up at me with those full blue eyes, shimmering at times, as if they could be lining over with... tears...? I can't stand it when she does that... her lips falling into a slight pout... those full lips, making them so desirable...  
  
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"I believe your everything kore kara wa 'arigatou' nante ienai ore to issho ni kimama ni ikiru sonna nakama mo warukunai aa, dear friends forever.  
  
I believe your everything, from now on. Since you can live so carefree with me, who can't even say a simple thing like 'thank you'...friends like that are not bad at all. Ah, dear friends forever."  
  
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Desirable...? God, I'm such a pervert... I can't believe I'm thinking this way... But I still can't hide those feelings, the feelings I know I have for her, but try not to show... She means more than anything to me, but how? How was that young girl able to break through this rock shell of mine? Could it be because, even with my freakish appearance, she knew I was something underneath, something that I myself didn't even know existed? She knew the person that I could become, the person I really was under all this stone. Or it could be because her attitude, that over obsessive love for justice, that positive 'look to the sky' aura of hers. I guess it doesn't really matter, she got through, slowly, yes, but she kept trying, and she finally made it. Pulling away one brick at a time she was able to destroy my barrier, opened up a new view for me. no longer stare forward, face to face with a cold stone wall, but at a shining new beginning... A new beginning with her...  
  
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"Never say goodbye to my friends Because I make our dreams come true hontou no ore, dear friends forever. uketomete kureta dear my friends forever.  
  
I'll never say goodbye to my friends Because I'll make our dreams come true. This is the real me, dear friends forever. You who snapped me out of it, dear my friends forever."  
  
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Zelgadis smiled to himself, shaking his head softly at his strange thoughts.  
  
"Come on, Zelgadis, you're gonna get left behind!" Amelia chirped, running back to him and taking his arms in her hands tenderly, pulling him to catch up with the others with a colossal grin across her face.  
  
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Maybe this whole 'friends' thing won't be so bad after all...  
  
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I ~ Began writing this in May of '02, but just now (July 27 '02) finished it.  
  
I ~ Hope you enjoyed it.  
  
I ~ Thank you for reading.  
  
Peace Outside  
  
"hit\hit"/"kiss"/"flip.chyoo" 


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